We’ve talked about the many struggles of the mom life/work life balance – like the mom guilt, self care, being okay with hiring extra help and getting on top of our busy schedules.
But there is one, super important, part of this mom life/work life balance that I haven’t even mentioned, and that’s getting on the same page as your spouse.
Luke and I are going on 10 years of marriage and I haven’t been crazy busy with my business the whole time we’ve been together.
But in the last few years, we have both taken on busy schedules as our jobs have expanded and as our kids have grown up. Luke will now be in Orem twice a week for his work and when we go back to pre-COVID times he will be traveling 40% of the month. Then I have this great business, running our Kylee Ann Team, the podcast, speaking, photographing brands and between the two of us, someone is always working.
Luke and I really want to dive into this and how we’re navigating this balance in our lives – he is not here today and he will join us in future episodes, but we are at least scratching the surface because this is a pretty important topic, and I know it’s something many of you are struggling with right now.
NO MARRIAGE IS PERFECT
Before I say anything else, it’s very very SUPER important to remember that Luke and I do not have a perfect marriage. And I don’t think anybody does. If somebody says they have a perfect marriage, I almost don’t believe them. Because marriage is hard and what we see on social media is only other people’s good times.
It’s so easy to look at your marriage and all its hard parts, and then get on social media or listen to a podcast and hear all the perfect things that everyone else is doing. Nobody has it all together, we’re all learning and growing!
I learned that it takes baby steps to get where you want to be in your marriage, and if you’re not getting to where you want this season, there will always be time when you can prioritize it more.
There’s not always balance in mine and Luke’s marriage, and just like anybody else out there, we have our highs and lows. Marriage takes constant effort and work, and all the advice I’m going to share has been from my own experience. What works for me, your neighbor or your business role model, may not always work for you.
This is what Luke and I are using in life and marriage every single day to balance OUR life and marriage
Make time for each other
This is such an easy way to connect at the end of busy weeks. Set weekly date nights ahead of time, plan ahead and put it in your calendar. It could be dinner and a movie one night but maybe laundry and Netflix the next week after all the kids are in bed.
Have your own things
When you have your OWN things, you don’t have to be together all the time or feel resentful when your spouse is off doing THEIR thing. Have your own hobbies and activities. Allow each other time and space to do those things.
Accept that you do things differently and don’t try to change the other person
One is neither right or wrong. For example, whenever we go to the airport, Luke needs to be at least two hours earlier. He doesn’t pack anything in his bag that isn’t allowed (like water and snacks) and even takes his belt off in the car so he is prepared when he gets to TSA.
I on the other hand am the kind of traveler that waits until everyone has boarded the plane before I get on. I walk around, go to the bathroom and buy food. Luke and I have learned to work around each other’s traveling styles. I take all the kids with me in the TSA line and Luke patiently goes through TSA precheck.
It is okay to fight
Every time Luke and I fought, we got closer and found a solution. When you don’t fight, you hold it all in and resentment builds up. Be vocal about the things that frustrate you and those things that can be worked out. If you do not talk about it, you will never get to a resolution and it will become a much deeper issue.
Remember that you are a team
It’s not just a one-person effort. You are a team.One day you may need to take the kids so your spouse can get work done and the next day your spouse may need to take the kids. Sometimes one person on the team has to step up a little bit for a time. But remember you are BOTH equal.
As women, we feel like we have to take on a lot of it and we don’t share the load with our spouse, and that’s where resentment builds up on both ends. Resentment that the house isn’t as clean or the meals aren’t as good. Together with our spouses, we do all of the jobs. As women, we try to take on the world but we can ask for help too.