Stop Relying on Your Husband to Make Your Business Work
I’m gonna be honest and straight up. Your husband is not going to make your business work. Only you can do that. It’s time to stop relying on him to make your business succeed.
This podcast is coming from months of working with women who have A LOT OF RESISTANCE from their husbands. And it’s even coming from my own experiences of trying to balance the relationship between me, my business and my husband. Running a business with someone who is not supportive is HARD and being a working mom is HARD. There’s so many layers to this, not just one or two, so I have been thinking all summer about how I was going to work in this topic.
I hope you’re not taking this the wrong way, I love my husband and husbands are still great supporters. My husband is as supportive as they come with my business and he is a super involved dad. I’m just saying that even the most supportive, involved dad is not going to do all the things you need to make your business successful.
It’s hard being a mom, it’s hard being a working mom and it’s even harder if you’re relying on your husband to make it all work. So let’s talk about making the relationship easier between you, your husband and your business:
1. Set up a schedule –
This will reduce a lot of stress for both of you. Your husband will know what to expect if it’s all planned in one place he can visualize. You put your stuff on the schedule and he puts his stuff on a schedule. All your work days, your free days, your computer time (important because a lot of women just add their appointment or main parts of their job), girls nights, family time and appointments. You can both plan ahead and see when you’ll need a sitter or if one of you will be able to stay home with the kids. I do not rely on my husband as primary care while I’m working. It just doesn’t work out. But if you do rely on your husband, set it up in advance.
But the important point here is that your stuff is as important as his stuff. So you have to work together. Put it in the calendar so you can plan. ah. head. and know what to expect.
2. Hire help for the pain points –
Hired help can be a sitter, a cleaner, a laundry folder or even a meal prep service. But think about what your pain points are and figure out how you can fix them or make them less painful. Is it something your husband could help with? If yes, figure out a serious schedule with him. If not, maybe it’s time to hire a mom’s helper to just help pick up, do the dishes or nanny.
When COVID hit, my husband and I were both working from home and I thought “oh this is so great, he can help with kids at home when I’m working!” But reality was far from this haha. I expected him to be me and think the way I do. But the things I care about are different than the things he cares about. I expect a clean house when I come home and there were lots of days when I walked through the door to a trashy house. I wasn’t perfect at recognizing our different expectations but after I did, I hired a weekly cleaner. And then a few quarters or so of him watching the kids all day, I hired a consistent sitter because it was harder for him to work from home and watch the kids at the same time.
Instead of being mad and building up resentment towards your husband for not doing things your way, solve your pain points. What are the things you fight about? What are you resentful towards? What is he resentful for? If it’s something that bothers you, figure out how to fix it. How can you solve your own problems so you don’t put it on your husband? Doing this won’t just help your pain point but also your relationship.
Bonus point if you can pay for your help using the money from your business.
3. Set clear boundaries –
There are a lot of women who are used to doing what their husbands tell them to do. That may have been the tradition we saw with our parents and grandparents but we are in 2021. A lot of us are two-income households and we both need to work. Women and men have to both bring in the income so they should both be equal team members. But guys still have a hard time with this and it’s harder for them to get why we want to work.
They may not understand why you’re working and think you need to be home with the kids or that you need to save the money rather than spend it on your business. So ask yourself: “Why do I work?” Maybe it’s because it brings you purpose and fulfillment, helps you find friends and helps you to be creative. And a lot of those reasons are hard for men to understand. If the reason you’re working is not for the money, help them understand that.
If your husband is having a hard time getting on board because money is an issue, negotiate. Perhaps start saving extra money that you can put towards your business or find extra things to do on the side to help pay for your business. There’s lots of ways to do it (and I can help you with that in one-on-one coaching). Money is not an issue, so don’t make it an issue. You can figure it out. Set the boundary that money is not going to be an issue and you’ll figure it out.
Another issue I see come up a lot is the man doesn’t like the way the woman is doing things at home or the decisions she’s making. The woman will be excited to share her ideas and passions and the man will immediately crush the woman’s ideas. “It’s expensive, it’s a lot of time we don’t have, what about the kids.” It is immediately depleting.
It might not even be productive to talk to your husband about your ideas because it might not be a safe space for you. Ultimately, we are in charge of our businesses, we have our own intuition and gut feelings. So maybe set a boundary that you don’t ask for advice or or talk to your husband about your ideas. It may be sad you can’t talk to him at first, but you can find a business bestie that can get super stoked about your ideas. You can even talk to me!
So I think you get the idea with boundaries. You have to set a clear boundary about what you expect and need, and then stick to it. If you feel like you’re being controlling with your boundaries, take a step back and see where those are coming from. Boundaries should be coming from a place of love.
4. Write it Out –
I feel like conversations about boundaries never go the way you intend them to go. They can blow up, lead to saying things we never meant to say and then we’re regretting things. So, I recommend writing a letter laying out how you feel and what you need. This is not the blame game or the shame game, just relationally writing out how you feel. After you’ve gotten everything out, finish by saying what you need from them but also ask what they need from you. Get all those heavy emotions off your heart and start the conversation.
Don’t give up, don’t give up on your business or your husband. I remember years when the relationship between me and my business and my husband was rocky because he didn’t love that I would come home and I would go off to work and resentment would build up. It took time to learn how to run a business that didn’t run my life, and took time for him to accept and value my work the way men value their work. It’s just a learning curve.
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