You asked and I answered! How do you make adult female friends?
I know it may seem silly. But I also KNOW it’s something everyone has struggled with at some point. Maybe it’s when you moved to a new neighborhood or maybe it happened when you entered a new phase of adulthood and didn’t relate with your group of friends anymore. Or maybe it’s when you started the SAHM gig and just found yourself with no adult interaction other than your husband and the grocery store cashier.
It may feel weird to be a 30 year old woman trying to make friends, and even asking for help on how to do it, but it’s okay!
You’re in a different phase of life and you don’t have opportunities like you did before. You always had good friendships when you were younger because you were always around other people. Going to class, going to all the football games, staying out late on weekends to get pizza. Opportunities were everywhere to make all the friends.
Right now it may feel impossible or hard to find a good group of friends, and again, that’s pretty normal. I promise the way you’re feeling is the way a lot of other women are feeling too. So it really isn’t that silly to talk about it.
Reality is, the ball is in your court.
You can’t wait for someone to invite you to things or ask if you want to be their friend. This may be a tough pill to swallow, but YOU have to make the first move if you want friends! For years I struggled with finding a good group of adult friends, and I’m here sharing all the things I learned about making adult friends…
1 – Plan Something
This depends on what kind of friends you want. If you want to have mom friends, plan a play group. If you want to have women in business friends, plan a time for you and some girls in the community to go to a business workshop.
Think about your current phase in life, and how you can find friends that can support you in that.
When I was a new mom and staying home with my kids, I craved physical connections! But it was hard because you’re a SAHM and hardly ever leave the house to do real, social things. So I started a playgroup with other moms in the neighborhood and that helped me find people I could relate to. But as my business started growing, I found that the playgroups weren’t as fulfilling for me. I was in a different phase of life and I felt like I couldn’t relate to the mommy play groups anymore.
I was at a point where I needed to connect with people who were trying to run a business with a family – like I was. So I kind of shifted from those playgroups and started reaching out to other moms in business. Of course I kept my old playgroup friends, I didn’t ditch them. But I just kept making new friends who better fit my current phase in life. Sometimes I was at the playgroups, but sometimes I was with other moms trying to run their own businesses, at workshops or photography clubs or business meet-and-greets.
Thinking back, I can’t remember when I’ve been invited to do those things. I always seemed to be the one inviting friends to those activities. And doing things together is important! Because as you go out and have experiences with people, your friendships grow deeper. Planning things will grow your connections with people who are in the same phase as you.
But remember that the friendships don’t start immediately. It’s not like one photography club and you’re all bffs. Remember that it’s a gradual thing that takes time – and it’s up to you.
2 – Be the Friend You Want and Communicate
I think you might also be a little guilty of expecting your friends to just know what you need and what you want. Don’t worry too much though, everyone is guilty of this! Not communicating what you expect from your friends just sets them up to fail. Then all you’re seeing in your life are bad friends who don’t care about you. You probably have lots of really good friends who DO care about you, but you‘re not seeing them because they’re not showing up as you would expect.
So teach the friends you already have, what your love language is and COMMUNICATE with them. Let them know when they are the type of friend you need because people can’t read minds.
Then think about what kind of friend you want to be. Do you want to be the friend that drops of goodies on bad days, the friend that checks in with texts, the cheerleader on social media, the friend that supports interests and passions and cheers them on? If that’s what you want from people, do it to others and you’ll attract all that good.
3 – Practice your Affirmations
To put it short, I was having a little friend crisis in 2020 and ultimately ended up working through it with my coach. She gave me a set of affirmations to recite whenever those negative friend emotions started dominating my thoughts. So if you’re feeling discouraged about finding a good group of friends, stop that immediately and recite these affirmations:
I deserve to have, create and attract the best relationships for me.
I surround myself with positive, productive, loyal people.
My affirmations helped me see that the good people who really were my friends were there all along. I had just been focusing on those people who were sucking the life out of me and just needed to refocus!
4- Remember that Friendships Ebb and Flow
Mom life is an ebb and flow. Your phases in life are always going to be changing. So as you move through them, don’t feel like you just have to let go of friends. You can move your focus and energy into different relationships that will better fulfill you wherever you are in life.
When you change your focus to those people that make you feel 100% and let go of the ones that are no longer fulfilling you or serving you, you will find those people God wants you to have. God knows more about the situation and knows who you need in your life right now. You need to trust and lean into that, and trust those affirmations to guide you to those who will fulfill you. You’re going to find those fulfilling relationships you deserve.
The friendship thing is hard and you’ll probably need to be more proactive than you’re comfortable with. But don’t give up! I know, I’ve been on this journey for the last decade. I know there are people that need you and you need those people and you will find the perfect friends this year! They’re waiting right around the corner for you!
Listen to the full episode here.